Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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