Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
