Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
