That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
