Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
