Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
