Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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