Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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