That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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