Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
