the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
