I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
