why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
