I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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