fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
