saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You're like the curious george of whores
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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