he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
