So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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