Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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