nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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