After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
