I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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