I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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