Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
