Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
