"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
