What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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