I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
