goodnight i made you a song goodbye
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
