kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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