Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
