whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
