how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So much rum. So many feels.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize