Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
