Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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