I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
