do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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