i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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