scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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