Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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