Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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