he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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