mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
