what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
