I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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