i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
