So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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