Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
