That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
