So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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