I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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