So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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