so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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