I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
