was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
