his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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