Whoa Z and x make the same sound
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
