Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
