shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
