I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
