I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
