So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I smell stomach acid.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
