exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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