I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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