oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
