we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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