This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
