dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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