Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Randomize
