The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize