There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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