We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I need to stop coming to work sober
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
