Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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